This is a concept/framework/tool that my wife and I use to manage our relationship.

It's called the Weekly Check-In.

We started doing this when we first started dating, and it is a ritual that has continued until now.

How it works is that every week, usually on a Sunday, my wife and I sit together and go through a series of questions, which allows us to come closer together and also manage the relationship.

For those in marriages or long-term relationships, you've likely experienced how "life" gets in the way. Work, health, family, sometimes kids, and everything else that is going on.

When you're in a relationship over time, things get comfortable. You get into a groove. Grooves are good, but they can lead to complacency, which may result in neglecting the relationship.

The goal of the Weekly Check-In is to prevent that from happening. In the muddiness of life, it allows you to come together with your partner and, for a brief moment during the week, be fully present in your relationship.

A side effect of the Weekly Check-In is that it allows for a safe space for both parties to communicate how they are feeling. I've learned from being in relationships that when things go unspoken, it builds resentment and that's when things get spicy.

It's like a standing meeting that is there every week, to come together, check in with each other, communicate from the heart, make amends if needed, hold each other accountable, and learn how you can support the other person.

As I write this, I realize that you can do the same things with your kids, or maybe do it as a family. Maybe one of you can try this and let me know how it goes. I look forward to doing this with my kids, doing one as a family, and continuing to do one with my wife.

The truth is we cannot expect people to read our minds. Therefore, we have to communicate what we want and do so clearly. Many times when we're swept by the minutiae of life, it's hard for us to even know what we want. The Weekly Check-In allows you to slow down and listen to what you need as well.

Here are the questions we ask during our check-in every week:

1. What's something new you learned this week? About yourself or a new skill or knowledge you gained?

2. What's one thing that I did this week that you liked or enjoyed?

3. Did I do anything to hurt your feelings? If so, can you communicate that because I don’t want to hurt your feelings.

4. Did I make you feel supported this week?

5. What can I do moving forward to make you feel supported?

6. How are we doing with closeness & space? Do we need to create more closeness? Or create more space?

7. Are there any concerns you have about the relationship that you'd like to address?

The whole goal of these questions is to start a conversation and get both parties to open up. Many times when people do a check-in, it's about fixing a problem or when someone has something bad to say. These questions are designed to approach things from a positive perspective, that way it allows us to see the good in what we have, not what is not working.

Also, the questions are more about the other person sharing how they feel and how their week was. This gives us the ability to listen to our partner and feel heard by them.

These are the questions we came up with and the questions that work for us feel free to change them if you’d like. Remember to make them around positivity and around improvement. If you make them more around how you showed up for them or how you can do better, I hate to break it to you but you’ll be in for a treat.

The last things I want to add are that this will require two things:

1. Honesty

2. Accountability

When it comes to honesty, speak from the heart, communicate how YOU FEEL when your partner did an action. Part of honesty is not pointing the finger; it’s about taking ownership of your emotions.

Remember, we are all responsible for ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally.

Be honest when you communicate about how you feel, but also be open-minded to discussing it as well. Sometimes our partners will do something without intending to hurt our feelings. Don’t hold a grudge, be open-minded.

Accountability comes down to ensuring that this weekly check-in is done. If your relationship is important to you, then you should make the time to do this every week.

If you forget on the intended day, do it on the day you remember. It doesn’t have to be formal; it can be right before you go to bed, or when you're brushing your teeth. Just do it at a time where you can be fully present to share and listen.

The weekly check-in has been a great tool in helping us manage our relationships and make sure we’re both on the same page.

I hope that this becomes a great tool for you to foster and grow your relationship as well.

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Till next time,

- M. Malik